On March 25, 2017 I woke with a start. It was my forty-fifth birthday and I had a strange sensation, a good one, that I needed to sit up and pay attention. Something or someone from somewhere was trying to reach me with an urgent message. Once I cleared the sleep from my groggy head I was able to tune into the frequency and receive the signal. The message was short but compelling: Celebrate life! I paused for a moment to reflect. Gratitude spontaneously welled up from deep within for such clear, playful instructions.
It was a cool morning with temperatures hovering around 60°. The bright morning sun and cerulean blue sky were two wonderful birthday gifts. The new Spring season was a mere five days old yet offering me the perfect canvas to celebrate my life.
I made a cup of coffee and found my familiar spot in the sunroom to meditate on the message. I didn’t think too hard or too long about its meaning. After a few quick minutes I made the decision to fully and wholeheartedly embrace the mantra as my theme for this new year. What I couldn’t have known at the time was that 2017 would turn out to be the greatest year of my life.
There were no indications that 2017 would be such a fantastical journey given its disastrous start. January and February are perennially cold and wet months in Nashville. The splendor of the holidays are gone and the heartwarming comfort of taxes loom on the horizon. However, in this season of my discontent I can pinpoint the moment when the hidden gears of fate/providence/destiny began turning in my favor. To understand the year ahead we must step back for a moment to one cold February morning.
My weekly routine involves an early rise, coffee with yogurt and granola and three times a week I run three miles and workout at the gym. The perennial student in me loves to double dip by learning while exercising. I alternate between listening to music, a podcast or an audiobook.
For this frigid February morning’s run I felt like listening to a podcast. As I briskly walked to warm myself before my run I scrolled through one of my favorite shows, Scott Barry Kaufman’s The Psychology Podcast, to see if anything new caught my attention. I saw a new interview that aroused my curiosity: On Ecstasis and Extraordinary States of Consciousness. This interview introduced me to Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler’s book Stealing Fire which would radically alter the direction of my 45th year.
Stealing Fire explores how for centuries people have been seeking non-ordinary states of consciousness. Throughout history these individuals and cultures have typically been interested in seeking these extraordinary states for religious, spiritual or wisdom practices. Today, non-ordinary states of consciousness are often used either to escape the monotony of everyday life or to enhance human performance. Little of this potent ritual remains in our spiritual practices. Kotler and Wheal call these extraordinary states ecstasis. Others names include flow or being in “the zone”. I highly recommend Stealing Fire for anyone who likes to color outside the lines of life.
This book would challenge me to face my fears in ways that would have me waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. What I didn’t know then but can clearly see now is this book lit a “fire” in me to chase after my own ecstasis. This would lead me to life-changing experiences at a Chicago Cubs game, meeting two Wal-Mart girls at Bonnaroo that taught me about The Universe, an apocalyptic sand storm at Burning Man where my deepest fears were realized, finding extraordinary states of consciousness through experimentation, coaching the most amazing and brilliant group of 9 & 10 year old boys to the All Stars, meeting my hero Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a solar eclipse watch party that turned into a gathering of 200 neighbors, silly adventures at a weekend retreat for adults themed after the movie Meatballs, a peaceful nighttime cruise with my family on Lake Lanier, walking my niece down the isle for her wedding, going to the home and grave of John B. McLemore the now deceased star of the Serial Podcast S-Town and ending the year writing a book called The Hard Work Of Happiness. These are but a few of my 2017 adventures. So what did I learn from the greatest year of my life.
BE CURIOUS. STAY CURIOUS. (EVEN IF IT GOES AGAINST YOUR NATURE)
I think men who grow up without brothers invent idealistic fantasies about what having a brother means. I know I did. No offense to my sister but she was a lot older than me and not a dude.
I always wanted a big brother to be there for me when the bullies came knocking. I fantasized about my brother and I living together until one of us got married. I imagined him to be older, stronger and wiser than myself. I wanted him to beat me up when I did something stupid and be my biggest fan when I competed. I desperately wanted an after school special kind of brother.
I think a lot about The Universe – the literal one and the metaphorical one. The latter is my version of God or whatever sometimes benevolent/sometimes dark force rules the unseen world. One of my beliefs about The Universe is that she often gives us what we want but not in the way we want it. I sometimes question her wisdom but do so with a great sense of humility.
Thirty five years after I was born The Universe gave me a brother in the form of a best friend named Dan. Dan is smart, strong and sensitive. He is charming, witty, full of energy and has kind blue eyes. I love him. The Universe flowed through him this year to teach me over and over about being and staying curious. Here is a quote from Dan that offers a peak into his heart, “I believe every person has gold inside of them and it’s my job to figure out what that is.”
Dan and I talk a lot about going on adventures together but with two wives, two careers and seven kids between us time becomes an elusive, slippery electric eel. But we pressed on despite our crowded lives and chose Bonnaroo, a large music festival held in rural Tennessee just outside Nashville, as our adventure for 2017. Midway through our planning Dan sends me an e-mail with the headline, “Pack your bags . . . Mr. VIP”. He procured to VIP passes for free to the festival valued at more than $3,000.
Since we were going to be living the high life as V.I.P.’s we decided to splurge and rent an RV. Which turned our 4-day camping trip in the summer in Tennessee into a glamping (glamour camping) extravaganza. It wasn’t until Dan returned the RV that another gift from The Universe was revealed. The lady we rented the RV from had a strict NO BONNAROO policy. We didn’t know that. However, after meeting Dan and myself she felt comfortable enough to bend her rule and let us rent it. When the day to leave for Bonnaroo arrived we were ready: VIP tickets - check. RV - check. Hundreds of dollars worth of food - check. Off we go!
We arrived Thursday afternoon with no idea of what to expect. We found our camping spot easily, ate some food and ventured out to hear some music. The next morning we woke up ready to cook a hearty meal that would last us most of the day. We already knew the stove in the RV didn’t work. No worries. There was an extra one provided by the owner. The backup stove looked like it was ordered from a 1970’s Sears and Roebuck catalogue. The instruction manual was brown and brittle. After fifteen minutes neither of us were able to get it operational. But no worries we brought a third stove for a situation such as this.
Dan dug through one of his boxes gathering the parts to assemble his stove. I knew something was amiss when he kept returning to the box and rummaging through it. We had everything we needed for the stove to work except a small tube needed to connect the propane bottle to the stove. Strike frickin’ three.
This was a frustrating turn of events but it’s not an adventure until Plan A goes awry, right? We made coffee and decided to stroll through the General Admission area to see where we would have been camping had we not been gifted VIP tickets.
On the way back from our stroll we passed by the attendant guarding the VIP entrance. Dan noticed a laminated placard attached to the fence with zip ties describing the perks for each wristbands. His curiosity got the best of him so he asked the guard about the levels of wristbands above our VIP classification. Turns out there are a plethora of higher levels. The guard patiently explained each level and its perks.
After ten minutes my avoidant instincts started growing more and more impatient. I glanced at my watch which itself was absurd because there was nowhere to be and nothing to do. Dan kept talking to this young man. He asked him where he was from and how he liked working for Bonnaroo. He was from Colorado and he loved his job. By this time my introverted alarm bells were clanging in my head, “Why is he still talking to this guy! We’ve got to get back to the RV to do . . . nothing!” I irrationally complained to myself.
Dan then mentioned our comedic dilemma of having three stoves but no way to cook our food. The guard couldn’t help us but told us about a Wal-Mart several miles down the road. Dan and I looked at each other with pained expressions at the idea of loading all our gear back into the RV and driving it back into town. And then it happened.
Just at that disappointing moment two young ladies pulled up across the street in a Jeep. For reasons that to this day still make no sense to me Dan walked over and asked the driver out of the blue, “Are you going to Wal-Mart?”
The lady was surprised by Dan’s presence and his request, “Hesitantly she answered, “Yes. We are.”
“Would it be okay if we rode with you?” Dan asked confidently.
The driver looked at her passenger. They conversed for a few seconds then replied, “Sure!”
We grabbed our wallets, hopped in and off we went to Wal-Mart where we procured the $5 metal tube for our stove. We drove back after having made two new friends and cooked a delicious breakfast of eggs, sausage, fresh fruit and little white powdered donuts.
Dan and I were grateful for the experience. I was humbled to witness Dan’s openness, kindness and curiosity to each of these strangers. He had no hesitation in asking for what he needed. If those two young ladies had not been going to Wal-Mart I am convinced there would have been another gift from The Universe waiting around the corner. Dan would have been looking for it. But these magical moments don’t just happen to him. He puts himself in places for such non-ordinary events to occur. Dan is a man who knows the value of guarding one’s heart but he does not live with a guarded heart. There is a big difference between the two.
Similar and even more intense experiences like this kept happening throughout our Bonnaroo experience. It is as if the collective energy of so many people created a field of generosity and camaraderie. When we arrive at events like Bonnaroo or Burning Man its as if we get amnesia about the ways we are different and only see how we are all the same. That is the real magic of such experiences.
In addition to being and staying curious I learned yet again it is permissible and even desirable to ask The Universe for what we want. Sometimes we can use words. Other times only our heart. Both require risking disappointment because The Universe doesn’t always respond. When she does respond it is rarely in the way we imagined it.
Now that I have been around the sun forty-five times I have learned to trust The Universe when she doesn’t respond. Yes it is disappointing not getting what I want but all I need is to be patient. She is always working on something for me. Right now she is working on something for you too. It is the discipline of stacking one good decision on top of another that will prepare us for our next gift from The Universe. My challenge, and your challenge too, is to be patient, stay curious and notice what’s happening around you.
It was a cool morning with temperatures hovering around 60°. The bright morning sun and cerulean blue sky were two wonderful birthday gifts. The new Spring season was a mere five days old yet offering me the perfect canvas to celebrate my life.
I made a cup of coffee and found my familiar spot in the sunroom to meditate on the message. I didn’t think too hard or too long about its meaning. After a few quick minutes I made the decision to fully and wholeheartedly embrace the mantra as my theme for this new year. What I couldn’t have known at the time was that 2017 would turn out to be the greatest year of my life.
There were no indications that 2017 would be such a fantastical journey given its disastrous start. January and February are perennially cold and wet months in Nashville. The splendor of the holidays are gone and the heartwarming comfort of taxes loom on the horizon. However, in this season of my discontent I can pinpoint the moment when the hidden gears of fate/providence/destiny began turning in my favor. To understand the year ahead we must step back for a moment to one cold February morning.
My weekly routine involves an early rise, coffee with yogurt and granola and three times a week I run three miles and workout at the gym. The perennial student in me loves to double dip by learning while exercising. I alternate between listening to music, a podcast or an audiobook.
For this frigid February morning’s run I felt like listening to a podcast. As I briskly walked to warm myself before my run I scrolled through one of my favorite shows, Scott Barry Kaufman’s The Psychology Podcast, to see if anything new caught my attention. I saw a new interview that aroused my curiosity: On Ecstasis and Extraordinary States of Consciousness. This interview introduced me to Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler’s book Stealing Fire which would radically alter the direction of my 45th year.
Stealing Fire explores how for centuries people have been seeking non-ordinary states of consciousness. Throughout history these individuals and cultures have typically been interested in seeking these extraordinary states for religious, spiritual or wisdom practices. Today, non-ordinary states of consciousness are often used either to escape the monotony of everyday life or to enhance human performance. Little of this potent ritual remains in our spiritual practices. Kotler and Wheal call these extraordinary states ecstasis. Others names include flow or being in “the zone”. I highly recommend Stealing Fire for anyone who likes to color outside the lines of life.
This book would challenge me to face my fears in ways that would have me waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. What I didn’t know then but can clearly see now is this book lit a “fire” in me to chase after my own ecstasis. This would lead me to life-changing experiences at a Chicago Cubs game, meeting two Wal-Mart girls at Bonnaroo that taught me about The Universe, an apocalyptic sand storm at Burning Man where my deepest fears were realized, finding extraordinary states of consciousness through experimentation, coaching the most amazing and brilliant group of 9 & 10 year old boys to the All Stars, meeting my hero Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a solar eclipse watch party that turned into a gathering of 200 neighbors, silly adventures at a weekend retreat for adults themed after the movie Meatballs, a peaceful nighttime cruise with my family on Lake Lanier, walking my niece down the isle for her wedding, going to the home and grave of John B. McLemore the now deceased star of the Serial Podcast S-Town and ending the year writing a book called The Hard Work Of Happiness. These are but a few of my 2017 adventures. So what did I learn from the greatest year of my life.
BE CURIOUS. STAY CURIOUS. (EVEN IF IT GOES AGAINST YOUR NATURE)
I think men who grow up without brothers invent idealistic fantasies about what having a brother means. I know I did. No offense to my sister but she was a lot older than me and not a dude.
I always wanted a big brother to be there for me when the bullies came knocking. I fantasized about my brother and I living together until one of us got married. I imagined him to be older, stronger and wiser than myself. I wanted him to beat me up when I did something stupid and be my biggest fan when I competed. I desperately wanted an after school special kind of brother.
I think a lot about The Universe – the literal one and the metaphorical one. The latter is my version of God or whatever sometimes benevolent/sometimes dark force rules the unseen world. One of my beliefs about The Universe is that she often gives us what we want but not in the way we want it. I sometimes question her wisdom but do so with a great sense of humility.
Thirty five years after I was born The Universe gave me a brother in the form of a best friend named Dan. Dan is smart, strong and sensitive. He is charming, witty, full of energy and has kind blue eyes. I love him. The Universe flowed through him this year to teach me over and over about being and staying curious. Here is a quote from Dan that offers a peak into his heart, “I believe every person has gold inside of them and it’s my job to figure out what that is.”
Dan and I talk a lot about going on adventures together but with two wives, two careers and seven kids between us time becomes an elusive, slippery electric eel. But we pressed on despite our crowded lives and chose Bonnaroo, a large music festival held in rural Tennessee just outside Nashville, as our adventure for 2017. Midway through our planning Dan sends me an e-mail with the headline, “Pack your bags . . . Mr. VIP”. He procured to VIP passes for free to the festival valued at more than $3,000.
Since we were going to be living the high life as V.I.P.’s we decided to splurge and rent an RV. Which turned our 4-day camping trip in the summer in Tennessee into a glamping (glamour camping) extravaganza. It wasn’t until Dan returned the RV that another gift from The Universe was revealed. The lady we rented the RV from had a strict NO BONNAROO policy. We didn’t know that. However, after meeting Dan and myself she felt comfortable enough to bend her rule and let us rent it. When the day to leave for Bonnaroo arrived we were ready: VIP tickets - check. RV - check. Hundreds of dollars worth of food - check. Off we go!
We arrived Thursday afternoon with no idea of what to expect. We found our camping spot easily, ate some food and ventured out to hear some music. The next morning we woke up ready to cook a hearty meal that would last us most of the day. We already knew the stove in the RV didn’t work. No worries. There was an extra one provided by the owner. The backup stove looked like it was ordered from a 1970’s Sears and Roebuck catalogue. The instruction manual was brown and brittle. After fifteen minutes neither of us were able to get it operational. But no worries we brought a third stove for a situation such as this.
Dan dug through one of his boxes gathering the parts to assemble his stove. I knew something was amiss when he kept returning to the box and rummaging through it. We had everything we needed for the stove to work except a small tube needed to connect the propane bottle to the stove. Strike frickin’ three.
This was a frustrating turn of events but it’s not an adventure until Plan A goes awry, right? We made coffee and decided to stroll through the General Admission area to see where we would have been camping had we not been gifted VIP tickets.
On the way back from our stroll we passed by the attendant guarding the VIP entrance. Dan noticed a laminated placard attached to the fence with zip ties describing the perks for each wristbands. His curiosity got the best of him so he asked the guard about the levels of wristbands above our VIP classification. Turns out there are a plethora of higher levels. The guard patiently explained each level and its perks.
After ten minutes my avoidant instincts started growing more and more impatient. I glanced at my watch which itself was absurd because there was nowhere to be and nothing to do. Dan kept talking to this young man. He asked him where he was from and how he liked working for Bonnaroo. He was from Colorado and he loved his job. By this time my introverted alarm bells were clanging in my head, “Why is he still talking to this guy! We’ve got to get back to the RV to do . . . nothing!” I irrationally complained to myself.
Dan then mentioned our comedic dilemma of having three stoves but no way to cook our food. The guard couldn’t help us but told us about a Wal-Mart several miles down the road. Dan and I looked at each other with pained expressions at the idea of loading all our gear back into the RV and driving it back into town. And then it happened.
Just at that disappointing moment two young ladies pulled up across the street in a Jeep. For reasons that to this day still make no sense to me Dan walked over and asked the driver out of the blue, “Are you going to Wal-Mart?”
The lady was surprised by Dan’s presence and his request, “Hesitantly she answered, “Yes. We are.”
“Would it be okay if we rode with you?” Dan asked confidently.
The driver looked at her passenger. They conversed for a few seconds then replied, “Sure!”
We grabbed our wallets, hopped in and off we went to Wal-Mart where we procured the $5 metal tube for our stove. We drove back after having made two new friends and cooked a delicious breakfast of eggs, sausage, fresh fruit and little white powdered donuts.
Dan and I were grateful for the experience. I was humbled to witness Dan’s openness, kindness and curiosity to each of these strangers. He had no hesitation in asking for what he needed. If those two young ladies had not been going to Wal-Mart I am convinced there would have been another gift from The Universe waiting around the corner. Dan would have been looking for it. But these magical moments don’t just happen to him. He puts himself in places for such non-ordinary events to occur. Dan is a man who knows the value of guarding one’s heart but he does not live with a guarded heart. There is a big difference between the two.
Similar and even more intense experiences like this kept happening throughout our Bonnaroo experience. It is as if the collective energy of so many people created a field of generosity and camaraderie. When we arrive at events like Bonnaroo or Burning Man its as if we get amnesia about the ways we are different and only see how we are all the same. That is the real magic of such experiences.
In addition to being and staying curious I learned yet again it is permissible and even desirable to ask The Universe for what we want. Sometimes we can use words. Other times only our heart. Both require risking disappointment because The Universe doesn’t always respond. When she does respond it is rarely in the way we imagined it.
Now that I have been around the sun forty-five times I have learned to trust The Universe when she doesn’t respond. Yes it is disappointing not getting what I want but all I need is to be patient. She is always working on something for me. Right now she is working on something for you too. It is the discipline of stacking one good decision on top of another that will prepare us for our next gift from The Universe. My challenge, and your challenge too, is to be patient, stay curious and notice what’s happening around you.