Stay in any line of work long enough and you start to see patterns. Since my work focuses on human behavior I see patterns in how people think and act. I've seen thousands of people for tens of thousands of hours and one realization is that most men have the emotional maturity of a sixteen year old boy. Why?
When I mention this in a couple's session there is an instant recognition by the wife as if she has just found a clue that solved a years long mystery. When men hear this information for the first time they often look down in deep thought then respond with a, “Yep, that’s about right.”
How does this happen? First, most men were not raised by a man who was emotionally mature himself leaving them without a role model of how a mature man acts. Second, because most men hover around this same general maturity level it is not encouraged for men to elevate upward. If they do they become an outlier in the group and a potential threat. Third, men don’t have to be more mature to find a romantic partner.
What is the solution? I could walk through The Transformational Process several and that would be helpful but the reality is it all comes down to two things. A man must first see that this is a problem and want to change it. Without these two essential elements change won’t happen.
If you are in a relationship with someone you feel often reverts to a sixteen year old in times of stress or you are that person. There is hope. This blog is a wakeup call offering you the opportunities to pause and reflect to see if your internal software needs some updating. If you don’t take opportunities like this other more painful opportunities to grow will surely come along. You can either change by choice or by pain.