Most couples respond to a crisis the only way they know how. They try harder. They argue louder. They avoid difficult conversations. They search for the right book, the right therapist, the right communication technique, hoping something will finally unlock the relationship they remember having.
The problem is they are trying to solve their problems before they have built the kind of relationship capable of solving them.
It’s not their fault. The self-help culture pushes them down these paths. Even therapists often start in the wrong place. There is a better way.
THE HAPPY COUPLES MODEL
FOR COUPLES IN CRISIS
Happy Couples do not become healthy because they solve their problems. They solve their problems because they have built the kind of relationship that makes solving problems possible.
The framework is built around four simple questions:
1 - DECIDE - Do you choose each other?
2 - SAFE - Can you be safe with each other?
3 - CONNECTION - Can you genuinely connect?
4 - SOLVE - Have you earned the right to work on your problems?
Each of the four stages has a Basic level and a Deeper level. The Basic level gets you stable. The Deeper level takes your relationship places most couples never go.
Throughout every stage you will learn to speak truthfully with kindness. It’s the one skill that makes all the others possible.
Reb Buxton, M.A., O.S.B. is a therapist, author, and founder of Happy Couples. He is based in Nashville with clients all over the world. His mission is simple: bring more love into the world one relationship at a time.