What Failure Taught Me About Being A Safe Person

This past weekend I found myself standing at a podium facing what 75% of people consider their biggest fear. I was about to give a talk on friendship to forty men I respect and admire. This was not a hostile crowd. It was, in fact, the opposite. These were men from my church who I had known for decades.

As I stepped to the podium and turned to face the audience, something happened I wasn’t prepared for. My nervous system went on high alert, sounding alarm bells. My body surged with adrenaline and cortisol, sending me into a quiet fight or flight panic.

I pressed forward—but almost immediately I felt it: Dry mouth. Tunnel vision. Confusion. I stared at my notes and read robotically, just trying to get through each sentence. The more I tried to suppress it, the more intense it became. About halfway through, I found my footing and then it was over. 

What just happened? I was embarrassed. I felt my body had betrayed me. I DID NOT feel safe with myself.

What went wrong? I had prepared for weeks giving this talk over and over to my dog, who applauded by wagging her tail. My mind was prepared to give the talk but I failed to prepare my body for the inevitable surge of anxiety that comes with speaking in public.

This experience reminded me of the time when Felix Baumgartner was preparing to jump from the edge of space. During training, his body rejected the space suit because it sensed it could also become his body bag. So his psychologist, Dr. Michael Gervais, had him spend weeks simply sitting with his feet in the suit’s boots, telling his body that it was safe.

I had prepared my mind but forgotten to prepare my body. If I want to be a safe person under pressure, I can’t just train my mind—I have to train my nervous system.

In the process of messing up, I reinforced a Quiet Strength—the kind that comes from taking a risk and being willing to fail.

After reflecting on the experience and owning my limitations, I actually feel more safe with myself now than I did before the fumble.

There’s still a lot for me to learn—but this is a start.

Honestly, while my talk was less than stellar, I am proud of myself for taking on this challenge.

I didn’t perform the way I wanted to.But I stayed. I didn’t run—and that matters.

Being a safe person doesn’t mean always being calm.It means not abandoning yourself when you’re not.
Link to Felix Baumgartner video: https://www.rebbuxton.com/felix