Going through divorce alone is too dangerous. You need support and guidance. These are the five stages of Experiencing Divorce.

  1. PHASE 0 - Dating

  2. PHASE 1 - Blue Skies

  3. PHASE 2 - Entering The Storm

  4. PHASE 3 - In The Storm

  5. PHASE 4 - Exiting The Storm

  6. PHASE 5 - Blue Skies Once More

PHASE 0 - DATING

Young men and women considering marriage need to be humble about the harsh realities of their lack of experience and understanding of the true challenges they will face. Having a plan in place for dealing with challenges before they arrive will dramatically increase the likelihood of averting many of the storms that wreak havoc on a relationship. 

Those wise enough to do their work in this early phase will be way ahead of the game while gaining invaluable tools to build a solid foundation and that will help them the rest of their lives. Starting out with love, wisdom, and integrity as your guiding principles will safeguard couples from so much unnecessary suffering. 

PHASE 1 - BLUE SKIES

Couples in this phase have pushed off from the dock and are sailing the crystal blue waters of the good life in their beautiful new yacht! They have found love, marriage, maybe a few kids, a good job, and are financially stable. They are successful in life, love, and relationships. They are active members in their community, church, and friend groups. They are present and involved parents and loving romantic partners. 

Although couples in this phase rarely seek help, there are storm clouds in the distance. They may not see those storms as threatening but if they don’t have the wisdom and courage to face them now, what they are avoiding today will turn into the chaos of tomorrow. 

Many of these storms can be avoided if couples learn how to navigate out of choppy water by making it a priority to put love, wisdom and integrity at the core of their relationship. 

PHASE 2 - ENTERING THE STORM

The first skill couples need to learn/relearn/practice when entering a storm is better communication. There are five simple steps to good communication. Each one builds on the other. The 5 C’s are CLEAR, CONNECTED, COMPASSIONATE, COURAGEOUS, COMMUNICATION.

Couples in this stage are in rough waters. The storm is forming fast and they are in its direct path! Their relationship is starting to unravel due to years of neglect and unresolved issues. This phase could also be brought on by a sudden crisis event (i.e. affair). Couples in this stage will need a lot of help and support from friends, family, faith community, and mental health professionals to avoid crashing into the rocks

PHASE 3 - IN THE STORM

Couples in the early part of this stage are being violently tossed around slamming into one another. The outcome is uncertain. The marriage could go either way. The conversations have transitioned to discussions about separation and divorce or the divorce process may have begun. Couples in the divorce process are no longer seeking to save their marriage and are in a life and death struggle. 

Couples in this stage are hurting, angry, and emotionally ungrounded. Men and women need a safe place to process the wide range of experiences that happen in a single day. Those in this stage can gain a sense of safety and relief if they rely on the core virtues of love, wisdom, and integrity to guide their thoughts and actions especially their thoughts about their partner. This kind of principled living offers stability and peace of mind.

PHASE 4 - EXITING THE STORM

Those exiting the storm have survived and are now surveying the damage done and what to do next. They have completed the divorce process and are now living in a new and very different reality. Both men and women in this stage need time to rest and heal. 

PHASE 5 - BLUE SKIES ONCE AGAIN

Those in this stage are slowly getting back out on the boat. The sun is shining. The weather is great. Hope is returning. They are starting to see how life after marriage might look. Finding love again may be possible. Healing after a tragedy is happening. A sense of inner peace returns on more days than not.

Making it through a storm and surviving has made them stronger than they were before. They feel more equipped to weather and even avoid future storms. If a future storm cannot be avoided they are confident, prepared, and empowered to stand guard and weather new challenges.